Thursday, 27 March 2014

Thursday Thoughts - Reflecting

The other day I sat on the sofa thinking.

Double whammy - 
1. I actually got to sit down on my sofa and was not running around doing random jobs.
2. I had enough mental energy to think;)

But, seriously (kind of) I sat back and processed how far the boys and I have come.

In 8 months we have had so many twists and turns. All the roller coasters in the world had nothing on the road the boys and I have travelled.

We travelled and rode it... and survived.

We have achieved so much together.
We still have a loooooong way to go. But it was good to sit down and reflect on where we were.

I no longer check the front door numerous times before going to bed.
I even turn off the hall light before bed (previously it had been on 24hrs)
Tim is sleeping better (yay)
Tae is still being Tae (which is a good thing;)

The shock and numbness have been wearing off and reality creeping in.

Most of the initial big affairs have been settled. The paperwork that is left, although significant is doable and I am now able to either do it myself or reach out to friends for help.

It took me a long time to learn to ask for help when I needed it. I also realise this is still an area that I am a work in progress.

The biggest personal challenge recently has been deciding onTig's grave stone.

It was a big thing for me.
The last thing I could do for him.
I wanted to get it right, but I did not know where to begin.
It was something nobody really could help me with.
One of those things that I needed time on.
Time to accept that I had to do it.
Time to decide how I wanted it to look.
Time to decide what to write.

This would be it - the last thing I do for HIM.

A good friend did helped when I discussed with her how much it worried me, that I wanted to get it right... after all, it would be there for many years to come.

She 'gently' reminded me,
"Stig really would not care, he would want what makes you happy - he would think it ridiculous that you are stressing over it".
My logical brain knew this, my emotional one, not so much.

I can only explain the relief, like a lead weight being lifted from my shoulder when I finally decided, the design, size, colour, font, inscription and extras.

Seriously people, you have no idea how many options there are out there. I also ran all final choices past the boys as they needed some 'ownership' of this too. Tae's only opinion was regarding the little bird (that's a whole blog post of its own;)

But I have now chosen and ordered it - and I have peace (for a while anyway)

and I'm ading this photo taken Christmas 2012 - because I love it, it's a happy picture and I love having photos in my blog:))


  1. You are amazing and an inspiration! I remember helping to select my mother's headstone, and you are right--there are so many options, and it can be overwhelming! I am sure whatever you chose will be a beautiful tribute. You are doing a beautiful job with your boys, and I can feel how much you love them with each word you write. Much love to you all as you continue to navigate this journey. I think of you often and wish you all the best with love and prayers. XOXO

  2. Thank you for sharing your heart. My mom hasn't begun selecting a headstone for my dad, because she got so overwhelmed and just stopped. Your two boys are so blessed to have such amazing memories with their dad and to have a mom as awesome as you! Hugs from Atlanta!

  3. This was a wonderful post. I always enjoy reading where your head and heart really are, even though it breaks my heart every. single. time. I did want to say one thing…..that headstone is not the last thing you will do for him. Not even close. Every single day you are caring for, raising, and taking care of his boys. I know you know this, but I just wanted to remind you. You do very important work for Tig every day. :) Big hugs!